(Caution: long post. Grab your coffee or ice tea and pull up a chair.)
In life, there are starts and stops, beginnings and ends. Everything changes. That’s the nature of the beast. I am not someone who relishes change nor do I easily embrace it. I like that which is familiar and steady. However, I’ve been forced to learn to adapt to changes nimbly and quickly, and adjust my attitude accordingly. It never has served me well to sit and bemoan the fact that something is changing because, whether I like it or not, whatever it is is going to change and move forward. I can either body surf the waves of change or turn my back to them, only to be knocked down and forced ashore, battered, bruised, and scarred. Either way, I’m landing on sand.
I wrote a few weeks ago how my world was rocked during a very stressful week for many reasons. Now, a few weeks have passed and I feel like I can talk about these changes, and how I’ve approached them.
Lessons learned.
(photo credit: Belle & Bear’s photostream)
First up. The guy I had been dating and having a total blast with decided to “dial it back” (ouch) and it’s now all the way to zero – meaning we aren’t dating any more or “romantically involved” as he defined it. I usually don’t talk about dating on my blogs since a) I don’t think people really care, b) I want to respect the other person’s anonymity and c) when it doesn’t work out, I am not sure I can handle the public-ness of it. However, I was enlightened a little bit more about myself and my life through this last relationship, and I think talking about that fits in with the vision I have for this blog.
I’ve been single for a long time now and am pretty independent, confident, and successful (read: not needy in any way). I used to think that the reason I was single was because there was something wrong with me. I’ve grown up and shed that belief and have relied on the faith that there is someone for me, only he (whoever/wherever he is) just isn’t ready for me yet, or I’m not yet ready for him. In the meantime, I keep working on myself, counting my blessings, and fully enjoying my family and the life I have. I don’t sit and pine for someone in the past or who I haven’t yet met. The other thing I’ve learned is that with each person I date, they come a little bit closer to my ideal companion. I’m learning through each encounter a bit more about myself and what is right for me, as well as what is not right. I welcome whatever is ahead of me because I know there is something/someone better planned, even if during the time of “loss” it hurts.
Fresh starts.
My mom has had back pain for a long time now, to the point where it is limiting her quality of life. She’s 89 and I’m grateful I’m nearby. We’ve had a couple weeks of doctor appointments, MRIs, and neurologists visits and she’s finally decided to have back surgery. They will correct where her spinal cord is being compressed. This will entail about 10 days in the hospital (complicated by the fact that she has an artificial aortic valve in her heart) followed by a spell in a nursing home before she’s back to 100% and her usual spry, active self. Her surgery is scheduled for September, which she describes as a month of fresh starts: school starts, new season (fall), and so forth. I love her perspective on things. Many older people could – and do – use situations like this as an excuse to give up on life. Not my mom. She sets such a fabulous example to us all of how to approach life with acceptance, grace, and dignity. I aspire to do the same.
New life.
At the same time I am dealing with watching my mother age, my youngest daughter announces that she is pregnant. Ebb and flow of life, yes? She’s just going into her second trimester. This will be a pregnancy that has to be watched very closely due to medications she’s on and was taking before finding out she was pregnant. Also, her previous gastric bypass surgery means they have to watch her nutrition levels closely as well as the baby’s growth. She has a lot of good doctors surrounding her, and that’s a blessing. She has a hard road ahead of her because she is single and unable to work right now. There’s nothing about her life that has been uncomplicated and if you’ve followed my other blog from the beginning, you’ll know what I’m talking about. However, a new baby is always exciting and a blessing, regardless of the circumstances surrounding how they arrive. We are excited for this little one who will be my fourth grandchild. I will keep blogging about it as she goes along and we get ready to welcome this new family member.
“The worst things that ever happened to me always turned out to be the best things that ever happened to me.” (My late father.)
Overall, life events have been very overwhelming for me and I’ve felt a little bit lost at times, feeling like I’m carrying the burden of everything alone. But I know I’m not – I have my family and friends who are always here for me, and who I can depend on. I cling to the knowledge that with change comes a fresh start, new blessings, new ways of approaching life. Looking back, I’ve learned that every time something has been removed from my life, something better has been given to me in its place. This reassures me. I have no way of knowing what is ahead, but I know that I can handle whatever is placed before me.
Thanks for listening.
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