Today I felt what the absence of self-consciousness feels like.
While my mom napped (she’s at a skilled nursing facility rehabilitating from back surgery), I took a walk in downtown Bellevue. I figured I’d try to get some exercise in any way I could. My first goal was just to walk to Subway to get some lunch (two blocks away) then I saw the new Bravern shopping center and thought I’d take a walk through it. This is an extremely upscale shopping center with designer stores and expensive items and equally upscale type clientele. I saw valets parking Jaguar cars and such. These upscale clientele used to intimidate me because they appear (to me) to always be impeccably dressed and ultra skinny. But today I wasn’t intimidated in the least. I wandered around the new mall completely comfortable in my own skin and completely comfortable being alone in a crowd.
I left the mall and walked the next mile or so down the street to Nordstrom’s and back. While I was walking, I remembered how I would * never * walk much in public. I would do whatever I could to hide myself.
- I hid myself in a fat body.
- I hid myself with large clothes, usually long tops hiding my hips.
- I hid myself in my car, always driving places, rarely walking.
- I hid my personality by isolating. I didn’t want people to notice me – particularly men – because if they did, they might see through to my imperfections.
- I hid myself under dining tables and office desks.
- I tried to be as invisible as possible in so many ways.
As I was walking toward Nordstrom’s I realized that I no longer had any of these same feelings or behaviors. I believe this is a direct result of losing weight and transforming my body, but also a direct result of what I’ve learned in Weight Watchers.
- I’ve truly learned to change my belief system about myself, my body, and my relationship with food.
- By losing weight and taking literal measurements of my body, I know truthfully what my size is and I know it’s appropriate (and getting more so).
- By learning the importance of food and nutrition as it relates to my health, I’ve learned that food is not a “necessary evil” as I used to think. I have learned to embrace food sensibly and enjoy it as a fun part of life and necessary fuel for my body.
- I’ve learned moderation and balance can be applied to more than just food in my life.
I’ve learned that I’m okay and life is good.
{ 3 comments }
Good for you, Claire! I have the opposite problem, I think nothing of wandering around an upscale mall dressed in rags with my hair in a ponytail. I really should care more, though. According to my daughter anyway. She’s been shopping for me, sending me boxes of new clothes. LOL
New clothes are good, Wendy, any way you get them. I enjoyed fondling the super expensive designer duds while I browsed through Neiman Marcus though. Found a to-die-for pair of boots. Now if I only had $650.
I love what you learned at W E …I need some of it, like the moderation and balance ~
My whole week on my blog is going to be about my first week on WW, it ends well but honestly, last week was a tough one because of hormones! Some weeks are just like that!
Happy Monday
Robin
All Things Heart and Home
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