Someone recently commented to me that it was good to see I was going “as strong as ever”. I am a tough cookie, that’s for sure, and I can handle just about anything thrown my way with courage, fortitude, persistence, and resolve. I’m determined about things once I set my mind to them, I usually succeed. Who knows where that comes from, and it really doesn’t matter. I guess it’s just who I am.
Some days, though, I just don’t want to be strong. Some days I want to lean on someone else, let someone else be strong for me, and let me crumble – momentarily. I couldn’t stay there for very long because I am a better leader than follower. As a child, my mother called this “bossy”. Ha! Then it was, but I like to think that maturity has tamed that bossiness into strength and leadership capabilities.
There are things in life you can change and things you can’t change. I work hard to accept or just ignore things I can’t change, including negative people. A key focus in my life has been to accentuate the positive aspects of life, but sometimes life has a way of bringing in negativity, conflict, and confrontation and forcing me to deal with it. It’s at times like this that I want to turn the other way and just cut off those unpleasant forces from my life completely. But I can’t. So I have to deal – as uncomfortable as it might be.
Is this being “strong as ever”? Is it wrong to want someone else to be strong for you from time to time? I often wonder if my being “strong as ever” makes people incorrectly think that I’m never vulnerable, never feel sadness, weakness, fear, loss, insecurity, or doubt. I had to be the breadwinner and sole parent raising my girls, so I guess I just learned to suit up and show up and keep on trudging, as they say.
Either way, it doesn’t really matter. I’m happy being strong, I’m happy being resilient and steady on my feet. Although just once in a while I wish I could let loose a little bit and not be quite so strong.
Do you ever have days where you are tired of being the rock?
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