Someone recently commented to me that it was good to see I was going “as strong as ever”. I am a tough cookie, that’s for sure, and I can handle just about anything thrown my way with courage, fortitude, persistence, and resolve. I’m determined about things once I set my mind to them, I usually succeed. Who knows where that comes from, and it really doesn’t matter. I guess it’s just who I am.
Some days, though, I just don’t want to be strong. Some days I want to lean on someone else, let someone else be strong for me, and let me crumble – momentarily. I couldn’t stay there for very long because I am a better leader than follower. As a child, my mother called this “bossy”. Ha! Then it was, but I like to think that maturity has tamed that bossiness into strength and leadership capabilities.
There are things in life you can change and things you can’t change. I work hard to accept or just ignore things I can’t change, including negative people. A key focus in my life has been to accentuate the positive aspects of life, but sometimes life has a way of bringing in negativity, conflict, and confrontation and forcing me to deal with it. It’s at times like this that I want to turn the other way and just cut off those unpleasant forces from my life completely. But I can’t. So I have to deal – as uncomfortable as it might be.
Is this being “strong as ever”? Is it wrong to want someone else to be strong for you from time to time? I often wonder if my being “strong as ever” makes people incorrectly think that I’m never vulnerable, never feel sadness, weakness, fear, loss, insecurity, or doubt. I had to be the breadwinner and sole parent raising my girls, so I guess I just learned to suit up and show up and keep on trudging, as they say.
Either way, it doesn’t really matter. I’m happy being strong, I’m happy being resilient and steady on my feet. Although just once in a while I wish I could let loose a little bit and not be quite so strong.
Do you ever have days where you are tired of being the rock?
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yep. definitely days when i get tired of being the dependable one, the rock, the one everyone else leans on. however, i would rather have those days than to be someone who is not independent and strong. i know people who are so overwhelmed by life, just day to day life. i hate to think what they would do if something really bad happened.
Agreed, Teri. I don’t want to change anything, just wishing some could see that just because I’m strong doesn’t mean I don’t need people or have times of feeling overwhelmed or sad. And those times are very brief and fleeting, and for that, I’m glad.
My mother calls me her “rock”. And oy, somedays it is just too much and too overwhelming. I agree with absolutely everything you wrote. But, I do have a husband who willingly takes over for me when needed and lets me zone out and do nothing if that’s what it takes to get myself together again. I always bounce back and go at it another day, just like you do. It’s who we are and I wouldn’t change it, either, but boy oh boy I completely get what you are saying!
Bev – you are sweet. Somehow I knew you would understand. You are lucky to have a hubby who can pick up the slack now and then. Still, I’m happy being me and how my life is right now. I just have my days, you know? Yes, you do.
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