When I started my weight loss journey, I told myself that once I got thin if I was more attractive to men that would be a bonus, but not the goal. I know I used the weight to keep men at bay, even though I pretended to want to attract them. There are times, however, where I do wish I had a husband, a partner, someone to share the journey with. I can come up with lots of reasons for why I don’t have a husband – my picker is broken, online dating sucks, men just don’t approach women randomly, I’m too strong for men, men are too insecure, and a million other reasons why I’m still single. Those are all just excuses.
The fact is that I’ve chosen to remain single, but I’m not so sure why. I had a couple experiences this last week that has caused me to ponder this more than usual. It also felt like God was listening into my deepest thoughts – and laughing his butt off - so I thought I’d share them with you.
Experience #1 – If you forget what the reality was in a relationship, God has a way of reminding you. The other night, my daughter and I drove past where an ex-boyfriend lived. Not because I was stalking him, sillies, but because he happens to live along a road I usually travel. We broke up a few weeks before Christmas – actually, I broke it off after an intense three-months. He was smitten with me, but there were a lot of red flags that for me signaled ultimate control issues and different types of addictions. In my loneliness during the holiday season, I momentarily forgot about those red flags, and wondered briefly if possibly I didn’t give him enough of a chance. Then, my brain reminded me of the red flags, and also the fact that usually a girl knows in about the first three months of a relationship if they are interested or not, and I wasn’t interested. End of thought process.
Apparently, God wanted me to REALLY remember.
Moments later, my daughter and I stopped at the grocery store near my home, and went to park, and I kid you not, HE pulled up and parked right next to where we were aiming to park. We continued past and parked on the other side of the lot, but there he was. In MY grocery store. A store that is inconvenient to him, unless he’s moved closer to my neighborhood. Inside the store, I covertly checked him out, confidently knowing he wouldn’t recognize me as I’ve lost another 40 pounds since he saw me last. Seeing him in person further cemented the little talk I had with myself and that I had made the right decision, way back when.
Thanks, God, for the reminder. Very funny, ha ha.
Experience #2 – Be careful. God might take your thoughts literally. I gave up on online dating a long time ago. I also pretty much gave up on meeting or looking for anyone, and told myself that my best approach in life was to live my life fully, enjoy what I like to do (bicycling, running, whatever) and, that by fully being myself, I’d be more likely to attract the right kind of companion into my life. If the right one never came along, well, I’d still be living my life fully. This is what I tell myself. I also tell myself that I’m sometimes full of crap and that someone walking up to me on the street and asking me out is so NOT going to happen.
Apparently, God found that last thought hilarious.
Sunday, after my 12K run (8 miles), I was hanging out on the street corner (hey, no jokes about that!) looking down the way for my friends to finish the race as well. I was sweaty, tired, clearly not on top of my game appearance-wise, when a VERY handsome man, about my age, walked up and started talking to me. He was asking me if they’d posted the race times yet. He told me his name was Dave and shook my hand. We chatted for a bit, and I learned he had also run the race. And then…he made his move. His mistake was giving me an out.
“Would you like to go to coffee sometime, or are you pretty booked up?” he asked.
“Um, I’m pretty booked through the holidays and all.”
Oh, no, girl, you didn’t just say that. Oh, yes, I did. Bam. Just like that, I flat-out rejected him. And off he went. I didn’t see him again.
Within moments, I was kicking myself.
“Claire – what the hell is wrong with you? You complain that no one is ever going to come up off the streets and ask you out, and then when someone LITERALLY does, you turn him down. And he was handsome. What the hell? Are you crazy? Do you even know what you really want?”
I clearly have a long way to go. Something I claim to want so badly terrifies the crap out of me.
My final thought to myself: “Well, there will be more where that came from.” I hope.
Ok, God, you can stop laughing now.
{ 8 comments }
Claire, Claire, Claire…If that EVER happens again, why don’t you just get HIS
number and then decide later IF you want to see him again! Is that a good idea
or is that a good idea?
Too funny, huh, Joanne? I’m a smart cookie who is sometimes not so smart. Yes, good idea. I’ll remember that one, for sure.
Cute stories! God is good at reminding us what we say to ourselves. Hopefully you will run into other handsome men at the next race.
Julie
I hope so, Julie. Still kicking myself… Clearly my brain was starved for oxygen.
I too held those thoughts; to never settle, but also be prepared to be alone. I would die if I ever got stuck with the wrong person again! On that note, I can’t believe you blew that guy off!!!!!!! And how smart of him to cushion himself against rejection by giving you that out. Wow, he sounds smart as well as handsome. Anyway since he ran in the same race as you maybe you’ll run into each other again, and like Joanne said in the above comment, you can get his number first. Remember it’s just a cup of coffee, not marriage!
True, Laura, I knew it was just coffee, but I still have this reaction to keep men at arms distance, and that’s not really what I want – I don’t think. I’ll just keep putting myself out there, however, and see what happens.
Did he introduce himself – did you get his first name? Maybe you could get the list of race participants/finish times and see if you can track him down through process of elimination. (He’d be flattered and impresed if you did, I’m sure.)
Then there’s always Craiglist…you could post something on the Missed Connections board…
Just trying to help.
Christine – he did. His name was Dave. I actually thought about your suggestions – they have a FAcebook site and I looked for him there. I may post a request there. I also looked on Craigslist – nothing there, and not sure how I’d post asking to find him there. But I still might try…
Comments on this entry are closed.