I have been reading online about a lot about bloggers having a hard time blogging. Me too. I honestly think it might be partially because of what I’d call Super Blogs – those home, decorating, crafty, or mommy bloggers who are over-the-top bloggers with giveaways, sponsors, prettiest of the pretty photos, Etsy shops, and words that won’t end. It’s intimidating to say the least. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I don’t like those blogs – I do – I subscribe to a gajallion of them that suck hours too much time out of my day. Some are enlightening, educating, pretty to look at, and others are just like the Charlie Brown teacher – wah wah wah. All you see are the pictures.
Many of the bloggers that I have loved for years are posting that they are having a hard time for many reasons – some because of depression. For me, a fellow sufferer of depression, it’s easy to say to myself, sheesh, how can I compete with THAT? Even when I know I’m not really competing, it starts to make me think that what I have to say isn’t interesting. I constantly am double-checking what I write with words like “what would my mom think?” And, speaking of my mom, since much of my life revolves around her these days – as it should at her nearly 92 years of age – I censor what I write for her privacy as well.
Sometimes the things that I want to write here are more for me simply as an outlet for how I’m thinking and feeling at the time. I don’t publish them for many reasons, but mostly, because I think they’d be too depressing for anyone else to write or I hear the imaginary critics in my head saying, oh, get off your pity pot. So, I don’t publish or if I do, I find a way to turn the post to a positive slant at the end. Which, I admit, is good therapy for me too.
I’m not sure where this post is going either. I just know I felt like I needed to write it. I’m a professional writer and editor. I get paid to work with words. I’m not the book published-type writer, although someday I hope to be. But words for me are therapy. And journaling. And a creative outlet. My soul food.
I changed my blog to a general blog, hence the title, “The Cadence of Life”, from a sewing-centric blog, so that I could write about whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. It’s my blog and I set the rules and the content. I need to remember that. I need to remember that this blog is primarily for me and my family and whoever is interested in reading it. If they don’t like to read it, they won’t. I’ve never had a hater on my blog. Oh wait, I take that back – I did years ago when I posted something about a local knitting shop and an online knitting group. Whatever. There are always going to be critics and haters in life.
I know this: If I live my life silencing myself and my dreams based on what someone might think or if someone would disapprove, I’m afraid I’ll miss out on a lot of life. I’ve silenced my soul for a long time now and I think now is the time to change all that.
I have no idea how or what that un-silencing will look like. I just know I need to do that.
Maybe I just need to take a clue from my granddaughter, Laila. She doesn’t know who she’s talking to either – or maybe she does, and we just don’t – but she talks with no inhibitions. Enjoy!
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
It looked like Laila was having a real conversation with someone. She is so cute. I loved the way she was walking around and talking at the same time just like I do.
As for your post, I really, really know how you feel. My whole family reads my blog so I tend to be careful because of them. I have been tempted to write a secret blog just so I wouldn’t have to censure it but I can barely keep one blog up so I know that wouldn’t work.
Well, I will read your posts no matter what you write.
She’s so cute, Joan. When the phone rings, she’s sure it’s for her. She sees all of us walking around on the phone, so she mimics perfectly. And the pauses in her conversation are perfect! LOL. I’ve thought of a secret blog too. But secrets always have a way of coming out, and someone would find it for sure, and then I’d be toast. Ha! Glad to know I have you reading.
Oh, I’m so there ! Keeping up with the Jones’ is not a good thing. There are so many people in my life who do that. There are also the one’s who I feel the need to keep up with which is my problem and not theirs but there it is. It also carries over to the blog writing – I knit slow, sew slow, pick things up – and put ‘em down, so my blog is NOT a wealth of new projects every week. Christmas seems to be my most prolific time for posting and even then it’s all about the cookies ! LOL I’m still learning how to not feel the need to compete/keep up.
Probably anyone with an opinion will tell you it’s your blog, post what and when you want. At first my blog was just me, then a few crafty readers – I actually could post whatever I wanted – even venting or just getting something off my chest – Now most of my family knows about it and I have to be more careful – if only because I don’t want them to worry if I’m having an ‘off’ time.
Good luck with the ‘un-silencing’ – Laila has the right idea