Sitting at mom’s last night, she quietly asks me, “Have you gained weight?”. Her tone was one of concern because she knows how hard I’ve worked to lose 81 pounds and she’s one of my biggest cheerleaders in my weight loss journey.

The answer is, sadly, yes. I’ve gained back about 15 of that 81 pounds over the last year or so. Not a ton  – all things considered – but it’s visible (at least to me) around the waistline and thighs. And I feel it.

What happened? Lots of reasons:

• Stopped tracking my food.
• Stopped paying strict attention to food portions and choices.
• Stopped exercising regularly.
• Increased stress, worry, and depression.
• Stopped putting myself first.
• Weight Watchers changed their plan and gave me more points, which I thought meant I could eat much more each day. Calories in. Calories out. It all adds up.
• Lost my walking buddies and didn’t replace them with new ones.
• Lost my bicycling partners and didn’t replace them with new ones.
• Hit menopause.
• Stopped going regularly to my meetings for support.

The good news:

• I know what to do.
• I can do it all again.
• I can start now, today.
• I can put myself first and my family will thank me for it.
• I can make better food choices and not go hungry – even when dining at mom’s place with her or dining out.
• I haven’t changed clothing sizes.
• I am determined and willful in a positive way.
• I have support of family, friends, and my Weight Watchers group.
• I can bicycle or walk or run by myself and don’t have to wait for others.

Can = will do.

Now.

Photo credit: http://comicadze.com/

Just a quick new pic of me that was snapped at yesterday’s Seahawks football game. Thought you might want to know that even though I haven’t posted much about my weight loss lately, I haven’t gained it all back – just a little but I’m still on the path. Not much liking the new plan, PointsPlus, but I’m not throwing in the towel either.

Speaking of throwing in the towel…Time will tell what path the Seahawks are going to take this season. Let’s hope their first preseason home game was not indicative of the rest of the season. They pretty much sucked yesterday. Not horribly, but waiting till the third quarter to score against the Vikings was… um… dumb. At least my company at the game was delightful.

Forgot to post these back when I was in Packwood. I took the new bike out for a ride and stopped at various points along the way.

I think the ride was about 7 miles. Some of it uphill. But I wasn’t riding to log any serious mileage. I only wanted to enjoy the moment, the scenery, and the peace and quiet.

OMG, I love the color of this water.

Halfway up a gradual climb. I’m so out of shape. I walked part of the way up this with the bike but the downhill was a blast. Did I mention it was warm and sunny out?

I made sure to stick within the speed limit. Bwahahaha!

Um, my turnaround point. You know you’re in the country when there’s a sign for a no shooting zone.

Love the little tee-pee tent whatchamacallit.

If you’ve ever wondered if you suffer from bikeaholism, here are the 10 questions* to consider and you can diagnose yourself. Answer either yes or no and if you answer yes to more than four of these, you might have a problem.

• Have you ever decided to stop biking for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?
• Do you wish people would mind their own business about your biking — stop telling you what to do?
• Have you ever switched from one kind of bike to another in the hope that this would keep you from going too slow?
• Have you had to have an early morning ride upon awakening during the past year?
• Do you envy people who can bike without getting into trouble?
• Have you had problems connected with biking during the past year?
• Has your biking caused trouble at home?
• Do you tell yourself you can stop biking any time you want to, even though you keep bicycling when you don’t mean to?
• Have you missed days of work or school because of biking?
• Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not bike?

*Adapted for fun only from the 12 questions of Alcoholics Anonymous literature, “Is AA for you?”

In the past few months, since all the upheaval in my family’s lives – that is, moving, buying, and remodeling homes – there has been very little time for me. There was, however, a gentleman that appeared out of nowhere and started pursuing me. I won’t go into much detail other than that I’d known him as an acquaintance for several years and thought he was pretty nice. We tried to have a relationship. #fail. Actually, he “resigned” faster than we could even get it started. WTH? I have no idea why other than the myriad of reasons that he cited of too much in my life ahead of him in priority (not really true, but everyone has their own perceptions) and it was too hard for him. Ouch (a lot of ouch) and next.

After that, and all the other stuff, I realized it was time for me. Seriously. For reals,  this time. I had some savings set aside to eradicate my backyard wilderness and turn it into an outdoor living space worthy of an episode of Desperate Landscapes. The work involved however started to feel like just another chore that would never get done and besides, I realized that no one ever comes over to visit anyway, so what the hell? All that would happen is that I would continue to stay at home, stare at the gazillion things needing done around here, get depressed, isolate, and eat. None of that supported my continued goal for a healthy lifestyle and fitness. (And, I’ll save most of this for a different blog post, I’ve gained 10 pounds in the last year and a half that I now have to re-lose making me 20 pounds from goal. Ugh.)

If you know me, you know I love bicycling. My beloved bike – a Giant Cypress W – has been a good and steady friend to me, but I busted the front brakes slinging it in and out of the back of my SUV and tangling the handlebars all around. When I dropped it off at the LBS (local bike shop) to be fixed, I stopped for a bit to chat with one of the lady bike geeks there. I started to drool over a faster, slicker Cannondale. I couldn’t get that pretty bike out of my head. I was obsessed. I realized that this was the best way to spend my money right now. Instant gratification and spoiling of MOI. Me. Only me.

Two days later, test riding three different bikes and hours talking to aforementioned lady bike geek, this sweet thing is mine.

Yes, it’s not a Cannondale, but this baby is lighter than the Cannondale. It’s a Giant Rapid 3. I upgraded the grips, the saddle, and Wednesday, I’ll be upgrading the pedals. (Separately, I ordered a tow hitch and bike rack for the SUV.) I also splurged on some new biking shoes that are the clipless/cleatless type – I guess that’s how you describe them. They clip onto the pedals, but you can’t see from the soles where they clip in. They look like normal shoes. But oh, so cute! And you know a girl’s gotta have cute shoes.

Talk about an upgrade in bikes. In two days, I put 26 miles on this baby and oh. my. god. She’s fast, smooth, light, and breezy. Did I mention FUN?

My oldest went on the inaugural ride with me and we had a BLAST.

If you bike at all, you know about the convention you must follow when you bike on a path and pass others. If you don’t bike, I’ll tell you… as you pass, you pass on the left and you are supposed to either ring a bell or yell out “On your left” as you pass, so you don’t startle the walkers or slower bikers, and so they know to move to the right. In the past, I’ve been the slower rider. The bikers on the road bikes going hella fast always yell out the loudest (and often the rudest) and startle me.

This time, with my daughter, she took off ahead of me, and I started on the bike and quickly moved up the gears and in no time, I was the one going hella fast and passing her. I started cracking up hysterically and could barely get it out without laughing my ass off as I passed her and shouted “ON YOUR LEFT!” followed by wild laughter. Hi.lar.ious.

Maybe you had to be there.

“You’re a nerd” my daughter uttered. Yep, that’s me. And proud of it.

Expect to hear a lot more from me as I start this wonderful relationship with my bike. At least it won’t be scared to death of what else is going on in my life.

If you wondered why I’ve been missing in action on this here blog of mine, it’s because I’ve been working. Between working and family, I’ve not had any interest in blogging. Not that I’ve not had things to say – I have. Just that those things probably are better left off the interwebs. Most likely, you, Joe Public, aren’t interested in reading it.

You might be interested to know, however, that the last year, I’ve floated between 9 and 15 pounds away from my all-time weight loss goal. My daughter got pregnant, had a baby, the baby was in the NICU for a month, baby came home (they live with me) and I work full time – all that got in the way of my continued weight loss efforts.

Now I’m done with the floating around and flitting back and forth on the scale. Time to get to work and get it done. So, I’ve been hitting the gym a self-mandated minimum of three times a week. (If I can’t get to the gym, I spend an hour outdoors in some sort of hard-core walking or whatnot.)

Last week was the first week of this initiative, and I was down nearly 2 pounds. I hope to do that again – or more – this week.

And to all the Thanksgiving gorge-fest activities? I say, bring it on, because I’m pissed off enough and determined enough to not gain weight but to thumb my nose at the bird and lose weight!

Yeah, not the kind you think.

I know – and the scale at Weight Watchers confirms it – that my weight loss is improved when I exercise. But I resist this fact. With strength and determination of the perverse sort. I don’t want to move. It hurts. I don’t want to get outside and walk. The thought of it exhausts me.

Life just kind of forced it into me this morning. The car had to go to the shop – again – and the easiest way to get home was to walk. Sure, I could have asked for a ride home but then, would I have learned this lesson? The shop is only about three miles from home, and the weather had cleared, so it was a good decision.

Once I got started, I wondered why I fight this so much.

The weather was crisp and sunny. The music was loud and motivating in my ears, drowning out the rush of the trucks and cars going down the hill. The uphill climb the last two of the three miles was great for the aerobic factor.

And the photo ops were plentiful. Too bad all I had was my sucky camera phone. Still, my brain took pictures that will hopefully last me until the next time I resist getting out and walking.

Oh, and the other thing I’m resisting – the fact that my chiropractor told me no running. I’m defiant, if anything. I tried jogging part of the way home just because I felt so good. Later, my chiropractor didn’t need to scold me because my knee already did it for him.

I have been a negligent blogger. But I have good reasons, many of which I’ll update you with soon. To get caught up, I’ll take a page out of my how to scrapbook file and tell you about the most recent stuff first.

Today, I got up early and met my regular walking girlfriends on an early morning walk. The weather threatened to rain on us but we were fortunate and missed it. It started raining just as we got back. We even got to enjoy some sunshine.

This was a walk that took us all through downtown Bellevue, parts of the really pretty residential areas, and down by Meydenbauer Bay. There were some parts of the walk that were deceptively tough – that, or I’m out of shape again. I think it’s the former. I hope it’s the former.

By the end of the 6.2 miles – although I think we really did 6.5 because we had to backtrack at one point – my lower back was really tight and my hips were stiff, so I’m writing this while icing my back and drinking a coffee.

Here are some of the pretty scenes from my walk. If the quality is poor, blame HTC’s camera phone functionality.

Some of the beautiful mansions – I won’t call them McMansions because they were all different. I think all these homes are gorgeous, but I wouldn’t want one. I get tired just looking at them let alone thinking of what it takes to pay for them and maintain them.

This one had a fountain in the entry. I thought that was kinda cool.

So, this one (below)… this is very close to what I pictured my dream house being when I was a little girl. I loved – still do – dormers on homes. Not sure how practical they are in the inside, but they are one of my favorite architectural features on a home. This also probably wouldn’t necessarily be the style of home I’d choose today, if I were buying, which I’m not. But still lovely. Makes me think of Home Alone.

Heading down toward Meydenbauer Bay

A glimpse into Meydenbauer Bay.

More shots of Meydenbauer Bay, looking west toward Seattle.

This one is looking east into Bellevue.

This park is in the middle of downtown Bellevue. Gorgeous with that waterfall there. The water looks like one of those Infinity pools.

Seriously? Me? A runner?

My blogging buddy over at My Angle had a couple really good posts recently (here and here) about whether or not you are a real runner and it gave me some food for thought.

The first thing that always comes to mind when I think of myself as a runner was when I was a teenager living in England and going to an all girl’s English school. We had the uniforms, ties and all. One day a teacher said there would be a cross-country run that weekend and they wanted some of us to participate. As is pretty typical for me, I volunteered, having no idea what I was in for but it sounded like “fun”.

My friend and I showed up in our school PE uniforms and stood out like sore thumbs were shocked to see what we had signed up for. Here we were, complete with our PE skirts and shoes next to girls in sweats, running pants, who were stretching and warming up, and we stood around having no idea what to do. But we ran. And we ran. Up hills, down hills, slow, not so slow – don’t think we ever got to even moderately fast – and we finished at least an hour or more after everyone else finished, but we finished.

My dad and I laughed about this scene for years to come because of the incongruity of our participation in the event. We had no training, we’d never run before – other than in school sports and that was limited (I was a swimmer, not a runner) – and we obviously didn’t know what we were doing, and we certainly didn’t have the appropriate attire for the sport.

The point is none of that mattered. I just jumped in with both feet and did it. At the time, I cried when we were done because I was so exhausted. I pushed myself to finish something I didn’t wanted to do once I’d started it.

A few years later, when I went to a boarding school in the south of England (that’s the actual school in the picture), a class mate and I did some more running. We’d run a few miles through the English countryside, and then she taught me how to sprint the last jog back downhill into the school parking lot.  It was during one of those sprints at the end of a run that I experienced what I’d call my first “runner’s high” where there was so much energy and vitality and oxygen going through my system that I literally felt as if I was walking six inches off the ground.

Fast forward about thirty years.

Here I am, nearly 80 pounds lost, and I’m running. I’ve done two 5k runs now and am starting to train for a 12k run in December. I have no idea whether I have the right technique, whether I’m wearing the right clothes – although I do have the right shoes – or if I’m breathing right or running fast enough. But I’m running. Clearly, that drive to do something I’ve never done before without totally knowing what I’m letting myself in for has not left me. I still tend to do things because they sound fun with very little thought given to whether I have the physical ability to do it or not.

The point is I’m doing, which is way more than I’ve done in years past. When my friend recently said to me “You’re a runner now”, I almost corrected her but then I thought about it. Yes, I am. I may not be a marathon runner like Kara Goucher (yet?), or the fastest runner in my category. I’m no longer sitting by dreaming of getting off my butt and moving, watching my life go by like I’ve done for years, but I’m stepping out and living it. I don’t care (much) what my speed is unless it’s to improve upon my own personal best.

I’m putting one foot in front of the other and moving, and isn’t that the point? (Oh, yeah, and to want to have a body like Kara’s doesn’t hurt either.)

I know Kirkland fairly well – my mom has lived there for the past 16 years – so I figured that I knew this route really well. I do, however, I underestimated how much of a gradual uphill that whole first mile is. Then from mile 1 to 2, it’s downhill, then the last mile is flat with a quick slight downhill sprint into the finish line.

This run definitely felt harder than my first one. I think possibly because yesterday I walked nearly 7 miles with my friend, and have been feeling a bit run down after all the worry and stress surrounding my mother’s surgery and aftercare. I made sure to get plenty of sleep last night so I’d be as rested as possible, hoping to improve my time from July, where I completed the 5k in 38 minutes.

I succeeded. My time for this event was 36 minutes, about an 11 minute mile pace. I started by taking off fairly hard, but it was uphill and only managed about the first 1/2 mile before I had to walk t0 catch my breath. But throughout the whole race, I only walked a few paces each time, and quickly picked back up running, and sprinting as hard as I could the last bit across the finish line.

I really wanted to do this one for a variety of reasons. First, it was in Kirkland. Back in May, I saw runners finishing a race there and finally understood what these things were all about. (Read my post about that here.) This race was my chance to experience this for myself.

Also, a friend of my daughter’s is expecting twins, plus we recently had some fetal testing done for my other daughter’s baby. I felt running in this race was my tribute to both of them. Incidentally, the doctor who performed the placenta tissue test on my daughter was there at the race as a featured speaker and also a runner.

Next year, I want my grandkids to join me and do the Kids Fun Run. It was so darling – they essentially just run around the block, but a cute guy about 6 or 7 won the fun run. I can just see my grandkids doing this. I got really choked up watching that.

Now,I’m looking for one to do in November. Funny, they had a brochure in the SWAG gifts bag. Guess I’ll check that one out next.