I always thought that was a really stupid saying: “It works if you work it”. Seems a bit like stating the obvious, to me. Honestly, I guess I never really thought much about it but if you dig into it deeper, it really is a helpful reminder saying.

What does working it mean? For me, it means working the Weight Watcher’s program as it was written by the experts – those who know more about successful weight loss than I do. Clearly I didn’t know how to do it, or I wouldn’t have been 100 pounds overweight when I joined in 2008.

Working it also means working it all the way – not dipping my toe in it. It means if I am going to see the results I want, I have to work the program the way they say to, not fudging it to suit my mood.

Over the last few weeks I’ve been only doing part of the program – sorta tracking, sorta not, and sorta not really watching what I eat and only sorta doing activity. As a result, I only sorta lost weight. Out of six weeks, I lost weight only one of those weeks. The others I gained.

So last week, I buckled down and quit playing around. I got back to tracking my food – all of it including the bites, licks, and tastes. I calculated points properly by weighing my food or calculating it off the nutrition panel of the package and measuring the correct servings.

And guess what? This week I lost weight. I lost 1.2 pounds. I can try to blame hormones, water retention, stress, muscle gain, or any number of things for my weight gain, but if I’m truly honest with myself (and I was last week) it really boils down to what I put in my mouth.

So, yep, it works if you work it. And I worked it. Because I’m worth it.

I’m declaring this National Hug Your Scale Month. Who’s in with me? If there isn’t already such a thing, then there should be. So many people are starting – or restarting – their weight loss program this month after a month or six weeks of food binging from Thanksgiving to New Year’s. And for many of us – me included – we have, or have had, a love/hate relationship with the scale.

There are the camps of “I won’t be a slave to the scale” and those that say, “There are other indicators of weight loss rather than the scale”. There are those that say all you need to do is lift weights, eat only vegetables, cut out all sugars, fats, and caffeine, or any number of variations on self-limitation and restrictions.

I say that many of these are valid when done in moderation but not exclusivity and will lead to positive results. However, the one main tool of my weight loss and ultimate maintenance of a healthy body and lifestyle – the one that never lies to me and the one that I can’t manipulate – is the scale.

I used to hate the scale. I doubt I’ve ever loved it in the past. In fact, I righteously refused to have a scale in my house citing many of the same reasons as above. Truth was, I really didn’t want to know what I weighed. And when my pants got tighter, it was obviously because my dryer was shrinking them. Didn’t matter that they never stretched out during the day. And I had a million lies I told myself as to why the size of my clothes kept increasing, why my health was getting worse.

One such example was when I saw pictures of my mother, who is now nearly 90, and me. I kept remarking how my mother kept looking smaller and smaller. She was shrinking! It never occurred to me that I was expanding and she was staying the same.

I still don’t have a scale in my house. Instead, I go once a week and weigh in. I may not literally hug my scale, but I embrace stepping on it. As for manipulating the scale – believe me, I try. I wear the lightest clothes possible, even in the dead of winter and freezing temperatures. I eat the same menu on weigh in day and  weigh in at the same time every week. I try to be as consistent in everything as possible so when I do step on the scale, the only variable is my weight. Why? Because then I can get honest feedback about how I did the prior week, up or down. And I can get honest with myself.

How my clothes fit, how I feel health-wise, my body measurements, and my esteem are all equally good indicators of my progress but they aren’t as objective as the scale. I can stretch that tape measure to have it say what I want it to say. I can buy clothes that are sized for vanity. I can lie to myself in a number of ways that hides the fact that ultimately what goes in my mouth counts. Cause and effect.

Today, I no longer have hate or animosity toward the scale, nor does it wield any power over my emotions. It’s feedback. Pure and honest.

Are there words you hear in conversation that trigger a strong reaction in you?

”Stop!” is one that drives me nuts. I usually hear it as an expression toward me  – an interruption in mid-sentence – to stop talking about whatever it is I’m talking about. I don’t often hear it directed at me as a cautionary word, one to protect me from harm or to keep me safe, like “Stop! There’s a red light ahead.” It’s usually expressed because the person I’m talking to doesn’t like what I’m saying. Sometimes they’re right, sometimes they’re not. The feeling it invokes in me is one of being unjustly restrained, and hence, I balk.

Let’s correlate that to food.

Before I started Weight Watchers, if anyone suggested to me that I “stop” eating the way I was eating, I’d balk. My defiance would rise and I’d continue my path of self-destruction. In fact, I’d probably eat more. Inside I felt rotten, defeated, restricted, and shamed. I knew deep down that I needed to change, but for whatever reason, I refused to. My loved ones who were saying “stop” really were telling me out of concern for my safety and health, but I couldn’t see that. There really was a red light ahead – one of dangerously ill health.

Now that I’m nearing my goal weight on the Weight Watchers program, I have a different attitude toward the word “stop” as it relates to food. Most of the time, but not always as I’m not perfect, I have my own internal stop dialogue. I use the tools I’ve been taught – like tracking my points, paying attention to hunger signals, eating filling foods, and so on – so I really don’t have to worry much about my internal stop dialogue.

But there are times – like tonight – where I’m not feeling well and I want comfort food. I’ve eaten all my daily points but I still want something more. It’s hard to trigger my own internal stop mechanism right now, but I also know that “just a little more” tonight won’t result in a complete spiral downhill on my progress. So, I’ll probably allow myself that Weight Watchers fudge bar, and count it toward my weekly allowance.

What’s one word that holds a lot of power for you?

This is the third dish I made out of a single store-bought roasted chicken, which means I was able to have three meals for $5.99. My first meal used one of the chicken breasts with a salad, the other meal used the other breast chopped up to make chicken salad (on an Oroweat Double Fiber english muffin), and now this.

I took the carcass and boiled it until all the remaining meat separated from the bones. This resulted in about one cup of good meat for the soup, and about four cups of stock. Note that the amount of stock you yield depends on how much water you add in the beginning. I let the homemade stock sit overnight in the refrigerator so that I could separate out the fat. (Grossed me out to think that yellow stuff used to go in my body – ewww.) Next, I added the vegetables and pasta, cooked over a low heat until the noodles were tender, and voila!

Ingredients

• 4 cups chicken broth (homemade or canned)
• 1 cup carrots, chopped
• 1 cup celery, chopped
• 1 cup zucchini
• 1 cup roasted, skinless, boneless chicken
• 2 oz (about 3/4 cup dry) Barilla Whole Grain Rotini pasta
• Seasonings to taste (I used dried basil, and could have used more flavoring)

Yields: 4 generous 1-1/2 cup servings
Points per serving: 3*

*You’ll want to do your own calculation if you alter the ingredient quantities any.

The weather’s getting cooler in my neck of the woods and one of the things I love to have, especially while curled up on the couch, is a cozy cup of hot chocolate. In fact, I’ve been having lots of this drink lately, and not counting the points because, well, I just wasn’t. Usually I never count my beverages because I don’t drink alcoholic beverages and I only drink coffee, tea, or water. 

For some reason – well, because I’m on a roll with counting all my points and jotting absolutely everything down – I decided to calculate the points on this drink. Also, truth be told, my leader’s voice went off in my head from Monday when she reminded us to count our beverages too.

The can says the serving size is 1/4 cup of powder – that sounds like a lot, but that’s really slightly over two heaping tablespoons. If I made my drink using the full serving size, it would be a whopping 3 points per cup. I make it with one heaping tablespoon, which I put into a 1/4 cup measuring cup, and it about half fills that. So I cut the amounts in half and calculated the points: 1 point per cup. Now that’s more like it.

I love my Quaker Oats old-fashioned oatmeal. I love it so much, I have had it every day, just about, for the last year or more. I usually vary it with different nuts or dried cranberries or raisins, but always a small banana and 1/2 cup of fat-free milk.

Can we say, “boring”? Not to mention, I think my body is too used to what it’s getting and hence I might be at somewhat of a plateau. Time to change it up.

This morning, I tried something new. We found this Yoplait Triple Berry Smoothie mix at Costco. As prepared according to package directions, each package makes two 8-oz servings. The directions say to just use “milk” and I assume that the nutrition information assumes you use whole milk – it doesn’t say. I used fat-free milk and calculated the points at 2 points per serving. If you use whole milk or 2%, you’ll need to adjust the points to account for that.

I kind of like this product. It comes out really creamy, almost like a frozen yogurt ice cream. I can imagine if you reduced the liquid, it would be just like frozen yogurt. Probably would make a yummy dessert. And it’s filling. The test will be how long I feel full this morning.

I also found another new product at the store yesterday: Oroweat Double Fiber English Muffins. These may not be so new to the market, but I’ve not noticed them before. Maybe because I’ve always reached for the Thomas’ Light English Muffins.

These are the same points (1 point per muffin) as Thomas’, but these are far thicker and chewier. The Thomas’ ones are so thin that they curl up in my toaster and end up really crunchy and somewhat unsatisfying. These are far more filling, in my opinion.

So, for 3 points, I have a filling and quick breakfast: one serving Yoplait smoothie, one Oroweat English muffin. Yes, I’ve broken out of my breakfast boredom.

I feel kind of like this picture, which looks just like my puppy Lily, but isn’t. She does this thing with her tongue – exactly like the picture – when she’s happy. I’m happy too, but boy am I exhausted. I tried sleeping in but my body wakes me up like clockwork at 6:00 every morning. Ugh.

I’m fighting off a sinus infection, too. Um, not good. I’m grateful that my body has held up as well as it has this last month. I’ve been trucking down to tend to my mom every day since she was admitted to the hospital plus holding down a job. My house cleaning has suffered, though – ewww.

My weight loss has stalled, pretty much, the last couple weeks. I’ve not been as active as I should be, not tracking my food diligently or precisely, and not drinking as much water as I should be. Definitely not getting the kind of rest my body needs either. The only reason I’ve not gained 5 pounds is because I am climbing stairs, I did do a 5k run and a 10k walk last weekend, and I’m kinda-sorta paying attention to how many points I am eating every day. I’m still stress eating, but that will change.

My focus on health and weight loss over the last year and a half has really paid off because I would never have been able to survive the last month (taking care of mom, work, family, etc.) otherwise. I’d be flat in bed and unable move. I’m happy I’m able to move more, even with the fibromyalgia – and believe me, it’s still there. I’m just ignoring it – when it will let me, that is.

Now for another cup of coffee so I can get rolling into the weekend.

Photo credit: www.gwlittle.com

Today I felt what the absence of self-consciousness feels like.

While my mom napped (she’s at a skilled nursing facility rehabilitating from back surgery), I took a walk in downtown Bellevue. I figured I’d try to get some exercise in any way I could. My first goal was just to walk to Subway to get some lunch (two blocks away) then I saw the new Bravern shopping center and thought I’d take a walk through it. This is an extremely upscale shopping center with designer stores and expensive items and equally upscale type clientele. I saw valets parking Jaguar cars and such. These upscale clientele used to intimidate me because they appear (to me) to always be impeccably dressed and ultra skinny. But today I wasn’t intimidated in the least. I wandered around the new mall completely comfortable in my own skin and completely comfortable being alone in a crowd.

I left the mall and walked the next mile or so down the street to Nordstrom’s and back. While I was walking, I remembered how I would * never * walk much in public. I would do whatever I could to hide myself.

• I hid myself in a fat body.
• I hid myself with large clothes, usually long tops hiding my hips.
• I hid myself in my car, always driving places, rarely walking.
• I hid my personality by isolating. I didn’t want people to notice me – particularly men – because if they did, they might see through to my imperfections.
• I hid myself under dining tables and office desks.
• I tried to be as invisible as possible in so many ways.

As I was walking toward Nordstrom’s I realized that I no longer had any of these same feelings or behaviors. I believe this is a direct result of losing weight and transforming my body, but also a direct result of what I’ve learned in Weight Watchers.

• I’ve truly learned to change my belief system about myself, my body, and my relationship with food.
• By losing weight and taking literal measurements of my body, I know truthfully what my size is and I know it’s appropriate (and getting more so).
• By learning the importance of food and nutrition as it relates to my health, I’ve learned that food is not a “necessary evil” as I used to think. I have learned to embrace food sensibly and enjoy it as a fun part of life and necessary fuel for my body.
• I’ve learned moderation and balance can be applied to  more than just food in my life.

I’ve learned that I’m okay and life is good.

My daughters are grown so I don’t have the back-to-school deal going on, but I still feel the change in the air that comes with September, back to school preparations, and the change in weather. It seems to me that I’m much more aware of the change in season this year than I have in the past. This time last year I was visiting my brother in Missouri, watching him race his Beemer in the SCCA Solo Nationals, and then hanging at the lake with him and his fiancée. I miss having a repeat of that and am sad I couldn’t make it this year. It was such a grand way to cap off the summer.

(Table Rock Lake, Missouri, September 2008)

This year, I’m much more aware of changes that are occurring in my life, and as much as I don’t like major changes, I somewhat embrace the little ones.

Changing activity patterns. The weather change from mostly constant sunshine to mostly constant rain means I’m going to have to change my activity patterns. I’m going to have to squeeze in my walks, runs, and bike rides in between rain clouds and learn to ignore rain drops or mud splatters. I’m going to have to find more indoor exercise, such as Zumba, to do. Since I’m nearly to my goal weight that means I have fewer daily points that I can eat. I’m down to 20 a day, and a typical meal for me is about 6 points, so that doesn’t leave much for fudging or snacks. The only way for me to be able to eat more is to exercise more.

Changing home projects. This weekend, according to our weather dude, promises to be one last hurrah of 80 degree temps. This means it’s my last opportunity – this year – to get my outdoor projects completed and the yard prepped for soggy rain. I’ve got lots to do: finish organizing the garage so hopefully I can fit my car in there once again, mulch the yard, paint the front door, finish power washing that last little bit of gutter and siding, wash the windows, and clear out the last of the clutter around here.

Changing responsibilities. My mom’s having back surgery tomorrow (Wednesday), which we are confident will go fine. Although she’s 89, she’s in pretty good shape overall and her spirits are really good, just her back is giving her fits, as she describes it. However this means that for a few weeks, she won’t be at home but will be in a nursing facility and it’s my welcome responsibility to help her choose a place to go to and to help her with whatever she needs there and when she gets home. I’m so grateful that my mom is still around that I don’t mind putting my needs second.

Changing food menu. This change is one I think I really will enjoy, however to continue my weight loss, I think this will be more of a challenge this year. Last year, I still had a good 40 pounds or more to lose, so there was less focus on lower points foods (cuz I could consume more), although I still managed to stay within my points. I find losing weight easier for me in the summer because of the readily available fresh fruits and vegetables. With cooler weather comes the tendency – at least for me – to want more comfort foods and baked items, so it will be a fun challenge to see what kind of tasty soups, stews, chili, and bakes I can make that are nutritious, low calorie/low fat, and still help me meet my goal.

Changing home decor. This is the fun part. I love changing the decorations around the mantles, tabletops, pillows and such with more warm, cozy items signifying holidays and family gatherings. This year, I’ll be back in the sewing room earlier than usual prepping for a new granddaughter due in March, plus trying to sew up all that fabric I’ve accumulated over the years.

What do you enjoy most about Autumn?

I was a good student – honors, straight As, teacher’s pet, whatever. But not in the subjects I didn’t like, particularly the sciences. I just didn’t see the point and it wasn’t creative or artsy enough for me, so I barely passed in those subjects, or I failed altogether. Now I wish I had paid better attention and learned more.

Today, for a split second, I really wished I’d paid more attention in school.

A little background to this story first. My youngest daughter (at age 28) is pregnant. This was a completely unplanned pregnancy for her and her life situation isn’t what one would call ideal – she’s single, unable to work, lives at home with me, and has a lot of her own health issues. This is also a young woman who nearly had to have a hysterectomy at around 24, so we really never thought a baby was going to happen for her. So, for her to be pregnant now comes as both a blessing and a concern. To top things off, she was on a lot of medications, including narcotic pain killers, before she learned she was pregnant, so her baby and pregnancy is considered high risk.

She’s lucky however because she has her older sister and me to be by her side throughout all of this, and her sister lives only 20 minutes from us. After her first visit with the baby doctor, she was referred to a genetics counselor and a perinatologist to determine the effects of her medications on the fetus. She was told what medications she absolutely had to discontinue (which she did) and the rest were determined not to cause any birth defects to the baby. All the ultrasounds and tests came out fine and baby was growing normally. We were feeling confident and hopeful.

Until Tuesday. Tuesday, my daughter got the results from the full genetic screening and was told that she was high risk for having a Down Syndrome baby – odds of 1:74. Normal odds are 1:1,000. We were crushed. We didn’t expect this and we really didn’t know what it meant. We had to wait 24 hours before we could get in to speak in person with the doctors and genetic counselor to learn more. Meanwhile, my way of coping was to search and glean as much education as I could about the subject.

Yesterday in the genetic counselor’s office, she asks the three of us (my daughters and me), “You know what chromosomes look like, right?” They both instantly nod yes, I nodded no. Seriously. I didn’t immediately know and if you’d asked me how many chromosomes there are in the body that make up whatever, I couldn’t tell you. I wouldn’t have been able to explain how there’s one from mommy, one from daddy in each pair.

Well, it didn’t matter anyway because she went on to explain to us how this worked. Essentially, what they needed to look for with my daughter is if there is a third marker (is that the right term?) in the 21st chromosome. If yes, baby has Down Syndrome, without a doubt. If no, baby is normal. Also, in the final chromosome, they’d be able to identify if baby is a boy or girl. (Woohooo!)

However, before she had this test, we learned more about what caused her risk for Down Syndrome to go so high. Her HCG hormone was very high and another one was lower than they expected to see. They think it’s very possible that some of this is from her “wonky” placenta, which will be watched closely throughout this pregnancy. But they couldn’t be sure, so therefore it raised her risk higher. On top of all this we learned that regardless of Down Syndrome or not, the baby is high risk and will definitely be spending time in the NICU after delivery because of the medications my daughter is on. The only question is for how long.

All this talk about hormones, placentas, chromosomes and such made me realize that really I should have paid better attention – if they even taught this stuff in school. When I was having babies they didn’t look at any of this stuff with me. I’m so grateful I had healthy babies. I’m peeking in to the world of what it is like for parents (and extended families) who have babies with complications of any sort. It is all so scary, stressful, educational, and eye-opening. I have realized just how blessed my family has been so far to have healthy babies, no catastrophic life issues really at all, and how much I’ve taken for granted. I’m peeking in to the world of special needs babies, and although my heart has gone out (sincerely) to parents who live in this world, it is an area I had hoped I’d never have to experience personally. But the bottom line is that I know this baby is a gift to our family. We will be blessed to have this child join our lives and we will all be stronger for it one way or another. I am also of the very firm belief that God never gives us more than we can handle.

I hope to be able to blog about this as we go through the journey because my daughter’s story (and mine, as it relates to my daughter) is about life and dealing with life on life’s terms – and this blog is all about life, the rhythm of life, its ups and downs, trials and tribulations, joys and sorrows.

Thanks for listening.