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Relationships

Honey Do

by Claire on July 18, 2010

My front yard has been the bane of my existence as a homeowner. Well, the back yard is as well, but at least it is behind a fence so no one but me can really see it. The front yard gets me in trouble with the homeowners association all the time (“your lawn isn’t flourishing”)  – and honestly, I have to admit, they’ve been patient with me about it for the last nine years. It doesn’t bother them near as much, however, as it bothers me. I have to look at it every day when I come home, when I get the mail, well…. you know the drill.

When I bought this home, the builders’ landscapers must have been the cheapest, laziest landscapers known to men because they put all of maybe one inch of topsoil on a hard clay base for the “lawn” and the hill was angled such that all the soil just ran off with the rain – forget trying to maneuver a mower across it – and watering it meant watching water trickle down the drain. So, one year, I took out the lawn. I tried covering it all with bark and low-growing plants. The weeds just came back through the bark and the yard just looked even more messy. Fail.

The driveway is also narrower than most and we tried to extend it with pavers and sand. Cody, my son-in-law, and my daughter, Cindy worked really hard on this one summer but the weeds just kept coming back up through the landscape fabric barrier designed to prevent weeds. Fail.

So I sat and stared at this yard for a long time. A very long time. I watched a lot of landscaping shows on HGTV. I sat outside and stared some more and formulated plans for it and discussed it with my neighbors. Ad nauseum. I’m sure they probably wondered if I’d ever get around to it.

I always had the excuse that there was no one to help me with my yard. Not entirely true as my daughter and son-in-law have helped numerous times. But they have a busy family and really all my design ideas in the past were mammoth fails because I could never finish them.

Then along came my Honey.

And along came my determination to finally get this done. Plus, if I’d known how cheap it was to do all this, I would have done it sooner.

I drew out my own landscaping plan the old school way – on paper, with pencil. No fancy software required. Just a tape measure.

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We started by pulling out a row of cedar hedge bushes that were extremely overgrown and crowding the side yard. Actually, my Honey did that one day while I was gone. Came in with a chain saw and a pickup and voila, they were gone.

Then we had the stumps to contend with. He came back with a chain this time, and his pickup, and voila, with a couple tugs, they were gone too.

Yesterday was the big push to get most of the work done. My honey arrived, coffee in hand for us both, with his pickup and we went and got the retaining wall blocks – all 45 of them – and edger bricks – all 20 of them – which he hand-loaded onto his truck and unloaded into my driveway.

After that we went to the local nursery that sells dirt and rocks and got a yard of awesome topsoil and four bags of 7/8 river rock.

We came home and got to work. We cleared out the icky yard, the overgrown vinca ground cover, and laid the retaining wall blocks. Well, my Honey did the wall blocks. And the hacking of the overgrown ground cover. And the shoveling. And…just so you know… I was firmly instructed by my youngest and my Honey that I’m not allowed to lift or overdo it as I’ll hurt my back again. So, I followed behind him and filled in with the dirt. I raked, he shoveled. And he shoveled and shoveled. A whole yard of dirt out of the back of his truck.

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We also had to move the old pavers out of the way to make room for the new design. Well, my Honey moved them. Finally, after we got the flowerbed done, we were ready to do the pavers. We lined things up and laid them, and then he dumped the river rock for me to fill in.

The last phase of this work will be finished over the next couple weekends. We have to get rid of the last of the bad dirt along the side where the remaining hedges are, lay some more edgers, and then spread and roll the rest of the topsoil. After that, we’ll plant grass seed and my yard will be the jewel of the street. Finally.

A semi-before picture.

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The semi-finished result.

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My Honey sitting down on the front porch after a  hard day’s work.

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Last night after we came home from returning trucks, removing dirt from our bodies and such, we sat on the front porch and had our take-out dinner. It was awesome. I look forward to the days when the yard is all complete and we can enjoy our summer sitting there watching the grandkids play in the street or ride bikes, the dogs chase balls (he has a Golden), or just quietly enjoying each other’s company.

Life is good.

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When I started my weight loss journey, I told myself that once I got thin if I was more attractive to men that would be a bonus, but not the goal. I know I used the weight to keep men at bay, even though I pretended to want to attract them. There are times, however, where I do wish I had a husband, a partner, someone to share the journey with. I can come up with lots of reasons for why I don’t have a husband – my picker is broken, online dating sucks, men just don’t approach women randomly, I’m too strong for men, men are too insecure, and a million other reasons why I’m still single. Those are all just excuses.

The fact is that I’ve chosen to remain single, but I’m not so sure why. I had a couple experiences this last week that has caused me to ponder this more than usual. It also felt like God was listening into my deepest thoughts – and laughing his butt off -  so I thought I’d share them with you.

Experience #1 – If you forget what the reality was in a relationship, God has a way of reminding you. The other night, my daughter and I drove past where an ex-boyfriend lived. Not because I was stalking him, sillies, but because he happens to live along a road I usually travel. We broke up a few weeks before Christmas – actually, I broke it off after an intense three-months. He was smitten with me, but there were a lot of red flags that for me signaled ultimate control issues and different types of addictions. In my loneliness during the holiday season, I momentarily forgot about those red flags, and wondered briefly if possibly I didn’t give him enough of a chance. Then, my brain reminded me of the red flags, and also the fact that usually a girl knows in about the first three months of a relationship if they are interested or not, and I wasn’t interested. End of thought process.

Apparently, God wanted me to REALLY remember.

Moments later, my daughter and I stopped at the grocery store near my home, and went to park, and I kid you not, HE pulled up and parked right next to where we were aiming to park. We continued past and parked on the other side of the lot, but there he was. In MY grocery store. A store that is inconvenient to him, unless he’s moved closer to my neighborhood. Inside the store, I covertly checked him out, confidently knowing he wouldn’t recognize me as I’ve lost another 40 pounds since he saw me last. Seeing him in person further cemented the little talk I had with myself and that I had made the right decision, way back when. 

Thanks, God, for the reminder. Very funny, ha ha.

Experience #2 – Be careful. God might take your thoughts literally. I gave up on online dating a long time ago. I also pretty much gave up on meeting or looking for anyone, and told myself that my best approach in life was to live my life fully, enjoy what I like to do (bicycling, running, whatever) and, that by fully being myself, I’d be more likely to attract the right kind of companion into my life. If the right one never came along, well, I’d still be living my life fully. This is what I tell myself. I also tell myself that I’m sometimes full of crap and that someone walking up to me on the street and asking me out is so NOT going to happen.

Apparently, God found that last thought hilarious.

Sunday, after my 12K run (8 miles), I was hanging out on the street corner (hey, no jokes about that!) looking down the way for my friends to finish the race as well. I was sweaty, tired, clearly not on top of my game appearance-wise, when a VERY handsome man, about my age, walked up and started talking to me. He was asking me if they’d posted the race times yet. He told me his name was Dave and shook my hand. We chatted for a bit, and I learned he had also run the race. And then…he made his move. His mistake was giving me an out.

Would you like to go to coffee sometime, or are you pretty booked up?” he asked.

“Um, I’m pretty booked through the holidays and all.” 

Oh, no, girl, you didn’t just say that. Oh, yes, I did. Bam. Just like that, I flat-out rejected him. And off he went. I didn’t see him again.

Within moments, I was kicking myself.

Claire – what the hell is wrong with you? You complain that no one is ever going to come up off the streets and ask you out, and then when someone LITERALLY does, you turn him down. And he was handsome. What the hell? Are you crazy? Do you even know what you really want?”

I clearly have a long way to go. Something I claim to want so badly terrifies the crap out of me.

My final thought to myself: “Well, there will be more where that came from.” I hope.

Ok, God, you can stop laughing now.

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